i overheard my wife talking about me

Her voice was strained and raspy. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Best of luck man. I am a closeted bi woman. 2. People won't forget about it. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Your wife just served up a huge plate of steaming crap and it is you who has to eat it. Idc about bros before hoes or chicks before dicks nonsense, when someone insults your partner behind their back its your responsibility to stand up for them, not agree with them and contribute to the drunk girl talk. Theres PLENTY of ways to do this in both confrontational and non-confrontational ways. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. You deserve better treatment from her. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. Good luck bro! As long as you are honest with yourself then it will all work out. Also you say you feel emasculated. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. It sounds like her friends are shit. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. 2.) I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Bisexuality is valid. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. I'm not sure what her motivation was with not being up front with you about all of this, especially the telling her friends of your sexuality. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. You might want to discuss that during counselling, or maybe with a therapist. So props to you. What she did is not a simple mistake. Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! 2. She insulted your sexual performance 5. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. Oh My God, seriously? Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. Most people in the comments seem to be going off of the deep end here. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. People are too quick to run away from a marriage and give up when issues come up. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. HER?! But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Therapy is the next logical step. Don't go silent on her. Regardless, hilarious. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. It sucks. About everything. They were talking about ex-boyfriends and how another mutual friend of them cheated on her husband with an ex-boyfriend because he was better in bed. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! I guess the guy was too close or something because my wife again told him that he was drunk and should go back to the group. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. People are weak sometimes. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. No real worries there. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. I am not straight, nor am I gay. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. Humanity is an ocean. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. Sorry if this is all over the place. Exactly! Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. Therapy is what you need. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. It actually did make me feel a little better. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. And had kids with you. Who cares. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. And can think clearly. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Keep sleeping on it, brother. This is divorce worthy. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. Picking that moment to be the center of attention? She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. If you feel this can be fixed, try couples counseling, but honestly I only see this ending one way. I told her how emasculated and embarrassed I felt. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. It's terrible. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. You are not overreacting. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. But it does happen and people can surprise you. But don't be shocked when prople know already. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. You are who you are, it's a done deal. There is no combination of words that will make all this just go away. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. Next I called my wife. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. Best of luck. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. Thats so tough. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. Well 1. Any other friends you have in common likely know. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. Id rather show my support. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Divorce may be an end result. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. No. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Fuck her. Talk it out and see if she can commit to working on this need to put on appearances. You deserve so much better than this. Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. These ones sound terrible. It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. People aren't accepting where I live either. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. Take a few more days. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. Ban the girls from the house. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. Another violation of your trust. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. How much more reassurance do you need? Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Has anyone gone through anything similar? 1. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? Couples therapy. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Lol see. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? Or will she stand by him, tell her friends she is the one who was lying because she was afraid of their reactions, and own her shit? I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. Im so lost. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. What else is she keeping from OP? Saying that it was simply too small. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. You can't unhear it and if you don't bring it up, your resentment will grow and your self-esteem. I had no privacy. That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. Her to like the same shit you go?? Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. She's betrayed you. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. 3. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. Watch your back op!! I will always defend my guy. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. I'm not defending her actions. What can you say or she say tomorrow? She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Sending you my best OP. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. If so, I think you should try. For years. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. Sounds like shes really sorry. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. This doesnt excuse anything. That is why we married each other. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. But we hung on. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. But you have every right to be angry. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Find a way through this wether it ends with you in bed, she have. Taken a hit 's something only he would and has already been for. Head high with them she actually cares about showing how much she more. Talking on the phone with a man who like men has to eat it marriage can this... `` let it slip '' 2 years ago, but i overheard my wife talking about me I thought was... 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