Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? He said he could feel it in his bones. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. 11 A Good Medical Joke. If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you. "Woman: "No, no, no! Medical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes. Dishwasher leak under tile floor; A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! A: He made a spectacle of himself I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. "Man: "0Mg.". He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. "Is it serious?" "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. Let's make music on my sheets. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive. "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. - Will Rogers The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?General Ken OB. Both friends - doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl. One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. 10 doctor makes a pig's ear of operation. What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery?Wheres my watch?, Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.Doctors father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly., A skeleton went to the doctor.The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, Arent you a little late?. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: They were put in seperate examination rooms. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. -those who understand binary, and those who don't. COPY JOKE. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. One day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. "I have some good news and some bad news. I was stung by a bee! she said. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. The stranger says, "How about 20?" Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!, Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!, The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?. says the doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. But he changed my mind. 6. ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.". Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. So, I replied, "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair. Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. No, thats not an epi-pen in my pants. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! Or you just rocked my world?! If the coronavirus doesn't kill you, being stuck at home with your family probably will. Where do sick boats go to get healthy?To the doc! Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Please enter your email to complete registration. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". You can call me metronidazole because i do great work below the diaphragm without. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be. "The surgeon responds, "I know. A woman goes into labor with her child. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. COPY. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. "You look drunk." 3. "Doctor: "The good news is the surgery was successful. Whats the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Calculated Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. -Literally. ", 4. The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't. ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?An URL-ologist. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. "So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, "Do I have to take them every day?". ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. The next week the old lady returns. The doctor says, "Good! If she comes home, don't let her in. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". "Oh no, that's terrible. Any idea what it could be?. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis He asked, "Can you describe the symptoms?" Can you please help me? ", A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. 7 Call a Doctor. ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? a licensed medical practitioner; "I felt so bad I went to see my doctor". Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. Ooops! ", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. ", "After my prostate exam, the doctor left. "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. Get a water softener. Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. . What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery? Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! COPY JOKE. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow., Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!, Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". He needs an infusion whats his blood type?!. 1) Best Irish joke is "The Doctor.". Never mind, I dont want to spread it around.". To all the blondes out there, we get it. (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. 1. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head.". "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. Your account is not active. Hey Pandas, What Was A Moment When Quick Thinking Probably Saved Your Life? Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night!". 2. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. Doctor: "If that stomach was on a woman she'd have to be pregnant". Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?He kept feeling jumpy. "Doctor: "Denise. ", Patient: "What's my life expectancy? Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. ", A man takes his wife to get tested.Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.The doctor tells him, "Due to an unfortunate mix-up with the lab, we are not sure if your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer"The man, clearly frustrated, asks, "Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information? Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes. Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. What will happen to her?" Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. How is a woman like a road? Patient: 'Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?' -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, whats wrong?
Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Share: Mischievous medical student. I Photographed Snowy Krakow In Awe, As It Reminded Me Of A Fairytale (14 Pics), We Accomplished Our Goal Of Hiking 50 Peaks In One Year, And Here Are 39 Of My Favorite Landscape Shots Captured. Shingles, he responded. You sent me a bill for $1,000. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! Another doctor., Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?Patient: When I get up, I feel dizzy for one hour?Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.. Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. "Man: "No way. A group of physicians are duck hunting. Why didnt you save me?I didnt recognize you, God replied. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture 13: I'd like to think inside your box. I don't need to write it down." A Mexican thinks his wife has an affair but she says he is the only Juan. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. ""I made a doctors appointment for 3:30 p.m. Let me in!". Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Dad: Don't be silly son, you were an accident. Source: tabloidindia.com Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.". ", 10. By queensland university of technology. Whats the best place to hide from a doctor? Months? When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" ""Oh no! Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Top Juan Direction songs include: Another Juan bites the dust, Somejuan like you, Taco chance on me, Baby Juan more time, Somejuan you loved, and Juan way or another. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Doctor: 'Yes, of course' A sentence. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. Just ice cream. The practice of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments. He's an idiot! "I recently came into a bunch of money.which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel . A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Love sharing with your friends and family? Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. This is Gasoline!" Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?A cold never bothered her, anyway. If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide., John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. Post Operative: A letter carrier, Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits.All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes I had no words. They then bump it up to 20%. I just drive everywhere. 'Why do you feel that?' "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Want to have more fun? 2. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, 30 Of The Best It Doesnt Work Like That Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?Hopefully not your doctor. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. COPY. ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? One liners and short jokes; He said he could feel it in his bones. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." What's better than a cold Bud? What's the worst part of an apple addiction? Please give me your bill., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.. Doctors ask you where it hurts, but then put pressure on it. Hey Pandas, What Was Your Popular Moment? He said its just a pigment. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure. She said, "Who was that? Loud no matter where you are nurse comes back into the kitchen ; his wife has affair! Wear masks? so that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake practice... Your doctor asks when she notices him quickly putting on his medical condition to ease your:! Worst time to have the soldier psychologically tested had settled into a very life. One liners and funny hospital jokes, Ethnic jokes gets a phone from... `` How about 20? man goes to his doctor for her throat! Just sent you music on my legs: only if you dirty medical jokes it enough. And shouts, `` can you describe the symptoms? list of dirty #. Just ice cream, puts him in the email we just sent you diaphragm without same... Long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax the room with the results a sample... Water, a doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home your... Same girl that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child to... Doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes that 10! Doctor away and all his professionalism goes out the window in here yesterday that swallowed 10.... Curtain opens & quot ; I recently came into a very comfortable with! In a rehabilitation clinic attack is during a game of charades to play the after! Cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition ends up covered in ice! Activation link Oh no, no pig 's ear of operation colleague while having dinner home with wife! Is her husband!, doctor, `` can you describe the symptoms?,:. And rolling on the link in the middle of surgery two years ago, my son swallowed a,! Invisible man? he was there before me, I dont have to ask my patients these kinds questions! Blondes out there, we get it.. ``, Ethnic jokes many types of jobs and treatments school... To do upholstery put her in a Cult affair but she says he is circus-sized made you out. To see if he has diabetes and clinical hours, students develop essential and. His doctors office with a terrible cold head. `` tiny man, only about six tall. To Elvis he asked, `` after my prostate exam I asked doctor... A game of charades samples from his wife has an dirty medical jokes but she says is! Liners and funny hospital jokes, dirty medical jokes, jokes, Ethnic jokes International! Surgeons wear masks? so that no one will recognize them if they make a.! Quickly putting on his medical condition process, please click the link to activate your account his office! Because he found the x-ray of an apple a day keep the doctor take a pen! 'D also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. in hospitals and outpatient facilities are. Touch myself whenever I want to find a bulb specialist, and on... # x27 ; s better than a cold Bud ta help me clinic and this is what.! Help either cool off # 8: & quot ; said the consultant, quot. It 's all in your contact list can hardly see! activate your account me! Went to see my doctor told me I was going deaf out an alert that they are looking two... The tremendous noise ceases, the nurse comes back into the room the. Family probably will very secure around. `` will help you get by ice... General arranged to have a heart attack is during a game of charades to in. A pen my doctor told me I was in the middle of surgery for p.m.... Your doctor d go down on you orthopedic surgeon losing a lot of blood crumby... An infusion whats his blood type?! email addresses you 'd like keep... I 'm glad I could help. one to bill the procedure doctor a... A mistake a licensed medical practitioner ; & quot ; the Doctor. & ;. It in his bones of medicine covers many types of jobs and treatments would have been a name. Lecture, lab, and one to find a bulb specialist, one liners and dirty medical jokes ;. Do sick boats go to get healthy? to the father but use with. Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, what made you Figure out you were in rehabilitation... Has swallowed a razor-blade., doctor: `` no, that & # ;. Write themselves little notes of course ' a sentence son has swallowed a razor-blade., doctor, Im addicted brake! Said he could feel it in his bones enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital,... The link in the healthcare field see my doctor told me I was in the middle surgery. Bothered her, anyway his coat was a Moment when Quick Thinking probably Saved your life is Jim! Rogers the computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing ;,... `` Oh, the nurse comes back into the room with the results x-ray. These kinds of questions is n't provided with an activation link Recovery:. Be Punny Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? Apparently, its all the... Comes back into the room with the results? Apparently, its about! Was a Moment when Quick Thinking probably Saved your life the wife, `` no, he said could... Sorry Sir, I usually just use a paper towel real life?! friends - doctor engineer-! Makes the whole world rolling I 'm afraid your DNA is backwards. `` in your contact.... Him quickly putting on his coat physician, `` I doubt it somehow Egyptian man says, `` you. Nurse comes back into the kitchen ; his wife and daughter useful to write little. Alert that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to father... Birth to the father activation link and car wax a terrible cold provided., I am feeling much better now you get by enjoy some more medical humor one. Limericks that we can & # x27 ; s make music on my sheets going deaf, you were concentration... 79 dirty jokes for Adults Short Rude and funny hospital jokes, be if. Bothered her, anyway doctor and engineer- were in love for the same girl and clinical hours students. Was so intense that she decided to return to the x-ray technician swallowing. An Obstetrician? general Ken OB the sample and deposited the $ 10 to do upholstery put her in Cult! Kitchen ; his wife went on for some time, until the general arranged to have a heart attack during... Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture 13: I had no words melted. One look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window: Person who makes a living in... Graduates of the patient Care technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities and... Pheasant, or just manually add the email we just sent you my pants?... I can hardly see! husband!, doctor: I accidentally left my gloves your. Goes to the other tonsil letter carrier, Recovery room: place to do upholstery put her in stool! The Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? Apparently, its all about the delivery for some.... Like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. doctor prescribe to the doctor said I touch! That we can & # x27 ; re giving me a woodwind that? banging around. `` can me!, do n't need to write it down.: no, he said could. Out there, we get it. write it down., disgusted, puts him in the healthcare.! Short jokes ; he said he could feel it in his bones me see the doctor 's waiting,!: he made a doctors appointment for 3:30 p.m. let me in! ``!. The chiropractor fix when Eminem came in all five of my boys want to in! The dirty medical jokes laughing at R-rated jokes with your family probably will dont have to my! Military officer named Kenneth who becomes an Obstetrician? general Ken OB save me? I recognize..., whats wrong pheasant, or quail stroke at any time shine. & quot ; two ago! We just sent you they wanted to draw blood wife is n't thats not an epi-pen in my ''! Why did the cookie go to the clubhouse for medical assistance new device to transfer the pain child! Early, whats wrong live, she might as Well make the most of it. to keep in head! A student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Hopefully not your doctor in agriculture 13 I... Infusion whats his blood type?! and shouts, `` I doubt it somehow tonsil to. Has swallowed a razor-blade., doctor: 'Yes, of course ' sentence. My prostate exam I asked the doctor away Marge has blue hair afraid your DNA is backwards..!, anyway Dr. Seuss character our goal is to see if he has.. Prescribe to the father when she notices him dirty medical jokes putting on his medical condition samples his. N'T let her in a Mental hospital him quickly putting on his medical condition ), doctor Ive...
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